I am just exhausted, and though I did several chores and stayed pretty busy today, I don't think that is the reason. I believe the cause of my fatigue is the bizarre experience that started our day. It left me emotionally drained.
We have a long-time friend who has brain cancer and is, shall we say, in the final countdown. So this morning when Bob arrived at church to cantor 9:00 Mass, he was told that John had passed away last night. He called me, and I posted a little memorial on Facebook. Then I went to join Bob at 10:45 Mass, where the choir was to sing. John was a choir member, so the choir was all grieving, and prayed for John's soul at the end of our rehearsal. Then we went into the sanctuary and started the Mass. Just as it started, one of the ushers in the back started making huge arm signals not unlike air traffic control bringing in a 747, and in walks the grieving widow -- followed by the deceased!
What eventually came to light was that the parish had received a voice mail message that someone else named John, with a surname one letter different from John's, had died. Since the church was well aware of John's fragile state, they heard John's name, and thus the misunderstanding began. So it was all an understandable series of events, and no one really did anything stupid or malicious. But wow! We came home from Mass feeling like we had been through the ringer. First there was the very genuine grief, tempered with just a hint of relief that his suffering was at an end. Then the shock of seeing him, followed by anger that someone could make such a dreadful mistake, and finally the gradually dawning realization that it was just an unfortunate but blameless mistake. And now that I've recovered from all that, I realize that my dread of the day when I really get that news has increased. Now I sort of know how much it will hurt!